In a couple of months, the citizens of Europe will be subjected to the one of the more kitschy, forgettable, and partisan competitions of modern times, the Eurovision song contest. Eurovision, for those fortunate enough to live outside of the Old World, is a televised song contest in which each country submits one band and one song to a supposedly democratic vote of all other countries. A few performers, notably ABBA in 1974 and Céline Dion in 1998, have managed to establish successful music careers out of their Eurovision debuts, however, the vast majority of songs are as memorable and inspiring as department store elevator music.

Regardless of what you think about the quality of the talent, Eurovision does have a certain degree of pure entertainment value. The voting, in particular, is quirky and confusing to the first-time viewer. A some point you being to wonder if you are watching the same show as the voters, as ratings seemingly have very little to do with song just performed. What is actually happening is classical European politics: Scandinavians voting for Scandinavians, former East Bloc for former East Bloc (as if the wall never came down), Slavs for Slavs, Iberians for Iberians, Cypriots for Greeks, and so on. It all quite amusing, until you realize these same rules apply to just about all aspects of European civilization, from the diplomatic workings of the European Union to the management policies of European corporations. Its all quite predictable, once you know the playbook. A couple of Oxford academics have even researched the subject and identified the voting blocks, in case you still wondering what those hidden voting patterns are.

In recent years, performers have started competing with each other to find the lowest common denominator in song quality, perhaps in realization that real talent is purely optional. This year, DJ Bobo will be representing Switzerland with a suitably bizarre song “Vampires are alive” and should have a good chance at claiming the top prize.